Love & Relationship

  • millymill | February 18, 2017

    Signs your Marriage could be Doomed

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    How many married people do you know? Probably a lot…right? How many of those are Happily Married? How many are just married because they are comfortable and don’t want to start over? How many are married because they have kids together? How many are married because it’s convenient and they are living double lives? How many are giving it another try every other week?

    Unfortunately those are all realistic scenarios. People have started marrying younger and younger. Even though it’s great and they are no longer living in sin(shacking up)(sex out of wedlock). Most of these marriages are not built on a solid foundation. Let’s hope the following list doesn’t apply to your marriage and if it does and it’s not too late start WORKING on it. By working I mean start getting to the bottom of the issues, sort them out and fix them from the core. I don’t mean brush them under the rug and try to move forward and pretend everything is good.

    1. You two argue about finances a few times a month.

    2. One of you doesn’t trust the other other one.

    3. Your goals, morals, and values don’t match up.

    4. There is constant tension.

    5. You argue about problems and concerns but never fix them. You both walk away with anger and no change.

    6. One or both of you have been unfaithful.

    7. You seek help outside of your marriage. (This doesn’t apply to professional help.)

    8. Disrespect.

    9. Putting others and other things before your spouse.

    10. You are emotionally out of it. You have checked out and just living life as 2 separate people in one marriage.

    I am one to believe that no 1 problem should be argued about more than once. One and done. Arguing can be very healthy when the outcome is to fix and work on whatever the issue is. I also believe there is a line you draw with certain issues. Cheating? One and done. Trust is one of the hardest things to work on, to gain, and to keep. The point is almost everything is fixable if the commitment, work, and desire is the same from both parties. If only one is fighting and the other one is going with the flow… You might as well file those papers.

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  • millymill | January 17, 2017

    Stage 2 of Dating

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    Taking “talking” to another level. 

    Some men/women will stretch the talking stage as long as possible. Reason being is there are usually no strings attached and during that stage you just are getting to know one another. Now, one that is not looking to get serious will take full advantage of that stage and a lot of times will set the tone for the rest of the relationship.


    This 2nd stage is still talking but now it’s exclusive. I like to call it the trial run. Everyone is cut off, you are no longer dating around and should be committed. This is usually where one should set their rules and expectations. Things can get sticky because exes are still calling, “talking” friends are still somewhat around. This stage is to set the tone. Where do you want things to go? Can you see yourself with this man/woman long term? Are goals matching up? Do you want to have a family? Marriage? Kids? Travel? Do you want to take turns focusing on a career? These are all things that should be discussed somewhere in this stage.

    Also, you may not be meeting the family anytime soon but get a clue about them. Usually during this stage if you see something you don’t like SPEAK UP. No one is going to read your mind and fix what they didn’t know was an issue. Be receptive to any issues he/she may have with you. It is a new beginning and it will take a while to find out all the do’s and don’ts.

    Don’t be shy! Have fun in this stage. Build that foundation that the rest of the relationship will sit on during the rough times. There will be rough times! Trust! This is the stage where you want to fall in love with one another, create memories together. The foundation is what will get you through in the long run. It’s a memory of why you chose one another, why the good times will outweigh the bed, why no problem will be big enough to knock this union down.

    Out of the 5 stages I think this is usually the shortest one. It doesn’t take too long to realize if you want to move forward with someone. If it’s taking you a while to realize that then you probably need to get back to the drawing board.

     

     

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  • millymill | November 22, 2015

    Jewish girl in America.

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    I was born in the Middle East into a old school traditional Jewish family. We were brought up with our entire lives planned. It would go in the following order…

    1. Grow up being our parents #1 priority.
    2. Grow up with only family, friends are very rare to come by in our family. Blood is thicker than water is a strong belief to us.
    3. Go to school and HS graduation means absolutely NOTHING. No celebration, no praise, nothing.
    4. Bachelors/Masters degree gets you praise and brownie points.
    5. Find a job by using your degree.
    6. Find a future wife/husband, in other words let your grandmom hook you up with a 2nd cousin’s, son’s, son/daughter.
    7. Go on one or two(max) dates.
    8. Get engaged.
    9. Have a wedding that your parents pay for.
    10. Move into a house/apartment that your/his/her parents bought you filled with all the things you 2 will need to start a life.
    11. Within a year you must reproduce. If you don’t everyone(family) will assume you are unable to have kids and need to go to the doctor.
    12. Then you live happily ever after.

    Now let’s snap back to MY reality. My parents believe that they moved to the states so my brother and I could have a chance at “The American Dream”. Until this day as much as I appreciate them making such a huge move for us, sometimes I think how much money they/we would have saved if we went to school there. Growing up my dad was my best friend, i would always go to him before my mom. I knew he always had my back and would actually listen to me before barking out orders/yes/no. Everything was going according to plan until I got to middle school. When I was in the 7th grade I knew I wanted to move out of my home at 18 and work and make a living for myself. I knew I wanted to work as soon as I was 16. Last, I knew I would not marry a “Nice Jewish Boy”. That’s just not where my heart was. Once I got to high school that’s where the drama between my parents and I started. I wanted to go out with friends just like all the other kids. I wanted to have a boyfriend(which I did) without hiding it from my parents. Well, that was not in my parent’s plan for me. In their mind all I should have been doing was going to school, studying, thinking about college and maybe working.

    I quickly realized that if I didn’t speak my mind and follow my heart I would end up like many(not all) unhappy Jewish girls. Why are they unhappy? Well, we are brought up to respect our parents and their sacrifices. We are also brought up being what to do with our lives, who to date, how to dress, how to carry oneself and what to go to school for. Most importantly we are taught that no matter what our families are unbreakable and will always be there for us no matter what we do. It may take time for them to come around but once things fall into place they will be there.

    I took my chances. I went against everything we were taught and I created my own path. It came with a price but that price was/is well worth it. I moved out at 18 without my dad knowing. I didn’t move out on my own but with a boyfriend who was not a Jewish boy. Which was a bit worse than me moving out on  my own. Not to mention I was working at Mcdonalds and attending CCP for God knows what. For 6 years I kept a great relationship with my mom and brother but my relationship with my father was non-existent. People around me thought it was so crazy that I didn’t speak or come around him for 6 years. I never worried or feared because I knew that I had to prove him and everyone else (that doubted my plan and path) wrong. In those 6 years a lot happened. I finished college with a bachelor’s degree, got married, pregnant and had a child. All with minimal help/support from anyone but my husband.

    When I had my daughter my mom brought my dad to my apartment and everything instantly went back to normal. If I had to do it all again I wouldn’t change a thing! Not a single thing, word, day, move, etc.

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    I am telling this story because it made me who I am. It brought me exactly where I need to be in life. It has taught me a lot!! Most importantly it gave me a drive I never knew I had. I encourage everyone and anyone to follow your heart, your dreams and trust and believe those people that are meant to be in your life will be there no matter what. Sooner or later they will come around. LOL

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  • millymill | October 19, 2015

    10 Fall Date Ideas

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    As I have gotten older I have learned to love each season in it’s own way. I love fall because it just makes me think of cuddling, candles, pumpkins, coziness, hoodies, hot chocolate, leaves everywhere, etc. It’s the perfect season for cool dates!

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    1. Have a bonfire with some flannel blankets, hot chocolate, & good conversation.

    2. Go to a Haunted House maybe bring some couple friends with you.

    3. Find a Harvest Festival in the area and check it out

    4. Go Apple/Pumpkin picking then come back home and make a pumpkin

    or an apple pie.

    5. Decorate & Carve pumpkins to put outside your home or in your windows.

    6. If you have kids make sure your husband and kids go playing in the leaves!

    7. FEED THE HOMELESS. This will make you both good and others better!

    8.Go Sexy Halloween Costume Shopping for the bedroom. 😉 Enjoy! hehehe

    9.Go Halloween Costume & Candy Shopping. Grab some pumpkin spice on

    the way.

    10. Have a Halloween Party after trick or treating. No one is too old for candy.

    Even if you are married or in a long term relationship make it a point to date one another. At least once in a while!

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